Monthly Archives: August 2011
First of all, I want to tell you all thank you for making my blogging experience such an amazing one. I love all my readers and blogging wouldn’t be the same without you! During my blog absence, I have been working on a big project that I hope to unveil soon, followed by an even bigger project to reveal itself a little later. It’s a secret for now though, so stay tuned.
Today’s Tuesday, right? It’s always so hard to remember what day it is when you’re not in school. I just returned from my morning walk, and the neighborhood is usually really quite before 8 AM, but today the corners were dotted with fidgety elementary schoolers in new clothes waiting for the bus. I jogged past the school and heard the bells beeping and saw teachers hauling boxes inside. It makes me miss school.
It also makes me think about myself as a child. Little McKella was a goofy, wildly creative ball of imagination. The wheels in my brain constantly whirred with ideas and I spent most of my time either outside pretending I was a mermaid or Pocahontas or something, or in my room writing stories or drawing pictures. Once, I made myself a dreamcatcher with sticks from the backyard and hot pink yarn. I never questioned my ability as an artist or writer, and it never crossed my mind to compare my creativity to others’.
As an adult, I constantly catch myself reading or looking at someone else’s creations and thinking “Wow. They’re awesome. I could never create something that cool.”
Yesterday, I read through some of the entries in the Creative Harvest series on Roots of She, and though I thought all of these women were amazing and inspiring, I heard my old nemesis-insecurity- whispering in my ear.
“They have more credentials and experience than you.”
“You have a friggin’ Bachelor’s in creative writing, and you still can’t write like this!”
“You’re a fake. You’re not the creative powerhouse you think you are, you just want to be.”
“You’re just a silly girl with an idea and you’re just trying to play with the big kids again. You’re not special.”
I felt like an awkward junior high girl all over again, just wanting to fit somewhere. I could have given up, but I’ve spent enough time listening to that voice to know when it’s lying.
It’s always lying.
True, I don’t feel like my creativity or skills are as strong as they could be. I spent too much time listening to that voice instead of telling it to stick a sock in it. I’ve lost a lot of time to depression an anxiety, but I don’t feel that time was wasted. I needed to learn and grow from that struggle so I could share my healing with others, and that is the mission I’m on now. Creativity and healing are best friends, twin sisters even, and I want to help others find them.
I am a wild creative spirit, and I always have been. I always will be, and I never want to be any other way.
I still have walls to break down, but I’ll learn a lesson with each one.
My potential, and your potential is infinite.
So tell that voice to shove it and have some fun.
So, due to unforeseen circumstances involving some pretty serious family, financial, and personal issues, I’ve been forced to extend my blogging hiatus.
Don’t worry, I’ll be back when the dust settles and I have a new project in the works that I’m very excited for, more details on that later.
Until then, I’m putting Handprint Soul on hold so I can get the rest of my life together. If I feel inspired to blog about the issues I’m facing, I will. If not, I won’t.
I’ll see you soon!