Being Creative Enough
First of all, I want to tell you all thank you for making my blogging experience such an amazing one. I love all my readers and blogging wouldn’t be the same without you! During my blog absence, I have been working on a big project that I hope to unveil soon, followed by an even bigger project to reveal itself a little later. It’s a secret for now though, so stay tuned.
Today’s Tuesday, right? It’s always so hard to remember what day it is when you’re not in school. I just returned from my morning walk, and the neighborhood is usually really quite before 8 AM, but today the corners were dotted with fidgety elementary schoolers in new clothes waiting for the bus. I jogged past the school and heard the bells beeping and saw teachers hauling boxes inside. It makes me miss school.
It also makes me think about myself as a child. Little McKella was a goofy, wildly creative ball of imagination. The wheels in my brain constantly whirred with ideas and I spent most of my time either outside pretending I was a mermaid or Pocahontas or something, or in my room writing stories or drawing pictures. Once, I made myself a dreamcatcher with sticks from the backyard and hot pink yarn. I never questioned my ability as an artist or writer, and it never crossed my mind to compare my creativity to others’.
As an adult, I constantly catch myself reading or looking at someone else’s creations and thinking “Wow. They’re awesome. I could never create something that cool.”
Yesterday, I read through some of the entries in the Creative Harvest series on Roots of She, and though I thought all of these women were amazing and inspiring, I heard my old nemesis-insecurity- whispering in my ear.
“They have more credentials and experience than you.”
“You have a friggin’ Bachelor’s in creative writing, and you still can’t write like this!”
“You’re a fake. You’re not the creative powerhouse you think you are, you just want to be.”
“You’re just a silly girl with an idea and you’re just trying to play with the big kids again. You’re not special.”
I felt like an awkward junior high girl all over again, just wanting to fit somewhere. I could have given up, but I’ve spent enough time listening to that voice to know when it’s lying.
It’s always lying.
True, I don’t feel like my creativity or skills are as strong as they could be. I spent too much time listening to that voice instead of telling it to stick a sock in it. I’ve lost a lot of time to depression an anxiety, but I don’t feel that time was wasted. I needed to learn and grow from that struggle so I could share my healing with others, and that is the mission I’m on now. Creativity and healing are best friends, twin sisters even, and I want to help others find them.
I am a wild creative spirit, and I always have been. I always will be, and I never want to be any other way.
I still have walls to break down, but I’ll learn a lesson with each one.
My potential, and your potential is infinite.
So tell that voice to shove it and have some fun.