Category Archives: Books
“Funny how, when you’re about to be given something precious, something you’ve wanted for a long time, you suddenly feel nervous about taking it.
Everyone wants more than anything to be allowed into someone else’s most secret self. Everyone wants to allow someone into their most secret self. Everyone feels so alone inside that their deepest wish is for someone to know their secret being, because then they are alone no longer. Don’t we all long for this? Yet when it’s offered, it’s frightening, because you might not live up to the desires of the one who bestows the gifts. And frightening because you know that accepting such a gift means you’ll want-perhaps be expected-to offer a similar gift in return. Which means giving you self away. And what’s more frightening than that? ”
From This is All: The Pillow Book of Cordelia Kenn by Aidan Chambers.
“I feel soooo fat!”
Have these words slipped out recently? Have you heard anyone say them about themselves?
I haven’t said these words in ages, but the other night while getting ready for bed, I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length closet door mirror and thought “Whoa, when did that happen?” Suddenly my stomach felt enormous and my thighs were huge. I felt like an elephant.
Here’s another question, what else was going on that day or that week? You might have been eating more than usual, or not exercising, but why?
If you’re anything like me, you were probably under a boatload of stress either worrying about something or you were super busy and feeling you were about to be crushed under the weight of that to do list, or maybe you’re relationship with your partner or a friend wasn’t going so hot.
In When Women Stop Hating their Bodies, the authors discuss how women speak in code, saying how fat or ugly they feel when what they’re really feeling is emotional distress. For some reason, our society accepts body-bashing more than the admittance of actual emotion, and talking about how awful we look is easier than actually acknowledging how we feel and addressing the real problem. Fat isn’t an actual emotion, and bemoaning saddlebags is much easier than facing whatever is really bothering us.
“I feel fat” might be any of these:
“I’ve got so much going on at work, I don’t know if I can get through this week!” or “I’m overwhelmed.”
“My kids are driving me insane! I need a break.” Or “I’m drained.”
“My husband is mad at me. I can’t stand it when we fight.” Or “I’m angry.”
“I’m never going to get my career off the ground.” Or “I feel inadequate.”
This has been one hell of a week and I still haven’t shaken the feeling, so I’ve decided that my statement, “I look like a beached whale waiting for Greenpeace to show up with buckets” really meant “I’m overwhelmed” and “I’m exhausted” and “I feel inadequate because I’m overwhelmed and exhausted.” Hopefully, I can pull myself out of this one, hopefully with a restful weekend and a renewed attitude.
Remember, “Fat” is not a feeling, so the next time you’re about to launch on a body-bashing session, take a step back and see what’s really going on, then take steps to fix the problem, or learn to just sit with your feelings. I’m still getting over my “do something! Anything!” mindset, but hopefully one day I’ll be able to acknowledge and embrace my feelings, though this is as hard as eating intuitively, which I’m also working on.
Well, I’m off for few days of R & R, and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
I fought it tooth and nail, but I lost the battle.
I adore books; the feel of turning a page and smooth paper running across my finger, the lived-in feel of a book with dog-eared pages and a worn cover, and the thrill of discovering a new volume in a bookstore or library and thinking, unconsciously, this book will change my life. And they always do. Each new book plants new thoughts and ideas, each of which change my life in some small way, whether I drastically alter the way I live or make an effort to notice a certain plant that grows in my area.
The more I think about it, the more I can’t deny it: the physical book is becoming obsolete. As much as I love the chase of combing through library shelves, books are being outmoded in favor of the digital format. At this point, I have a choice. I can either cling to the past that will disappear sooner or later and become a memory, or I can embrace natural change and learn to use it. I’ve always wanted to write books, but writing is much easier to publish in digital format, such as ebooks or blogs, it’s better for the planet, takes up less space, and can reach anyone in the world instantly. Ideas spread faster digitally.
After all, nature will still be there. I can still read on a porch while watching the sun set, and each book will still change my life because while the format may change, the essence doesn’t.