Good morning all you beautiful, unique handprint souls! As part of my Big Scary Monster Series, I’m honored to present to you this amazing guest post from my dear friend Val from Balancing Val. Enjoy!
From a young age, I have always been a bit weird about the green stuff.
Whenever I had any, I saved it. Whenever I spent money on myself, I felt
guilty. I always had this overwhelming belief that I needed to save as
much as I can in case something bad happened. Over the years this belief
developed into a full blown fear. I’m not even sure how this all happened
seeing as how my family always had enough and us 4 kids had a great
childhood, but it did.
As I got older and had my first jobs and bills, things got even more out of
control by staying too IN control if that makes sense.
Sure, there were positives to it. I developed amazing credit at an earlyage and everything was payed on time. But the negative was that I really ONLY spent money on necessities. The rare times that I would spend on myself for pleasure sent me into a vicious cycle of guilt that had me scrimping up the pieces all over again in an uncomfortable restrictive state.
For this reason, it was hard for me to stand up for myself when it came to
taking jobs I didnt really want. Sure, the safest jobs paid the bills and
let me be financially stable, but its not good to be mentally
unstable at a job that isnt nourishing your core. Last year I
decided to take a leap of faith, follow my true passion and go to culinary
school in NYC to become a natural foods chef. Of the many fears that arose, you better believe that money was the scariest. This is the first time in my life
where the future is not certian. The first time in my life where I must
depend on ME and my own dreams to pay a large sum of money
that I borrowed to afford me this opportunity.
The combination of this all prompted me to start scrimping, and come up with a plan so I can save enough for when that “bad” thing happens. In my new found
confidence that came with following my passion, I realized that I couldnt
continue being so scared and something had to change.
So, I started exploring my fear by digging down in the depths of
uncomfortable beliefs and found that I treat money the way I treat myself.
- I never feel like I am enough
- I need to hide my purpose/gifts in case I fail
- I am insecure
As I work on these beliefs, I am noticing that fears are slowly taking a
better turn. I am worrying less about the future and I
now only spend money on what I believe in. I have a crazy exciting
road ahead of me and the only way to make it easier is if I start truly
embracing the things that hold me back, even if its a big scary monster.
Thanks so much Val! Don’t forget to submit your posts for the Big Scary Monster series, link to posts on your own blog or leave your thoughts in the comments! I’ll include links to all submissions in a roundup post at the end of each month for the duration of the series.